Posted Fri, 03/21/08
Rainee had an appointment at the animal clinic this morning to get her nails trimmed. Before anyone asks, I take her to the clinic for the nail trim because it's impossible for me to do it myself. Her nails are jet-black and I cannot see the quick; I'm always afraid I'll hurt her if I try.
We were ushered into the same room in which the doctor had me select the cedar chest and inscription for Foofer's ashes last December. That was depressing enough, but then the same doctor who took care of Foofer at the end came into the room and tended to Rainee. He's a very nice man - he sent me a personal letter after Foofer died - but the memories were just too much. I could always switch doctors so the memories weren't as strong, but the clinic is in a central location and I drive by the place on a regular basis anyway.
As we were leaving today, a man and his wife came into the clinic. The man, red-faced and crying, was carrying a dog in his arms. The dog was the same size and color of Foofer, but his head was lolling back as if he were in pain or having some kind of attack. I asked the cashier behind the counter what was wrong with the dog, and she told me he was being put to sleep today. That was enough for me. I paid my bill and led Rainee out of the clinic, thoughts of Foofer washing over me and making me teary-eyed. I sat in the car for several minutes trying to gather my wits, but the tears still continued to flow.
It's been three months since Foofer died and I still cannot talk about him at length with other people or I get upset. I still haven't been able to look at his ashes, and the thought of watching his home movies makes me withdraw. I cannot watch him on film, not yet. The sadness and anguish over his loss is so very real for me, even to this day. It's as strong as it ever was. I wish I knew how to get past the grief, but I haven't been able to figure out how just yet.
Speaking of Rainee, I spruced up her web site and added her own personal biography and Photo Gallery. I "refurbished" her pages the other day after I finished editing part five (The Keeper's Journal) of Collective Obsessions.
Web work always relaxes me.