Posted Fri, 12/19/08
Today is the first anniversary of Foofer's death. Last night I was finally able to look at his videos, and I spent until the wee hours transferring them from CD to my computer. I edited one of the films from July 2007 as a tribute to Foofer, and it shows him healthy and eating even though he had just been diagnosed with Hemangiosarcoma.
Needless to say it was very hard for me to look at Foofer's moving pictures with sound, and harder still to realize it's been an entire year since I last saw him looking at me and breathing. I miss him so terribly, but I'm grateful I was able to get through his movies without becoming unhinged. There were tears of course, many of them, and by the time I went to bed I was a mess from weeping.
I'm hugging Rainee and Kiki to me ever closer today, mostly because I adore them but also because they are my last living links to Foofer.
For all that, I still cannot look at Foofer's ashes. They are sacred to me. The only time they will be moved will be when I'm lowered into the ground myself with the little cedar chest holding his remains.