Opposite Observations

Posted Tue, 08/21/07

I'm sure at one time or another everyone has been asked what they like or dislike about the opposite sex. I have never really thought about the question seriously, although since I'm on my third marriage perhaps I should have.

What qualities do I admire in a man? Consistency; strength of character (yet without the need to dominate and direct operations), the ability to listen and actually hear what is being said, never taking their significant other for granted in any way, someone who provides respect, humor and common sense; and one who shares in successes and comforts in failures rather than secretly delighting in the latter. On the physical side, I have always preferred tall, dark-haired men.

What qualities do I abhor in a man? Inconsistency, indecision, a "needy" emotional framework that needs constant reassurance; someone to whom nurturing and care-taking on a daily basis (like his mother used to do) is essential, or who is highly disorganized; a basic negative outlook on life, or someone who has inner rage or a need for high drama that cannot help but be revealed by their actions. On the physical side, I am not attracted to blond or bald men, heavy drinkers, body-builders or tattoos in the extreme.

Sorry if the "physical" bits seem a bit superficial, but I'm just listing my initial preferences. This is not to say men with or without these qualities are not fine human beings.

Sometimes my past blog accounts remind me of my own inevitable personality, as my entry from December 2003 will attest (Unsettling Thoughts):

Being around one person twenty-four hours a day is quite wearing, and highly annoying to boot. It's just not natural or healthy - not for the people involved, or for the relationship as a whole. I have no interest in the daily drama of personality conflicts or sensitive egos, and I'm simply not emotionally equipped to be attentive to one person for a long stretch of time. I find myself thinking of ways to absent myself even if just into the next room, with the door firmly shut behind me.

Better yet, while not just live alone and date once in a blue moon?