Posted Fri, 12/28/07

I write some of the strangest blog entries offline, most of which do not see the light of day online. Months ago I created a text file, listing all three of my marriages, their particulars, and one-word descriptions of their so-called merits. Why? At the time I wasn't sure, but in hindsight I think I was creating points of interest for fictional characters. It always comes back to the writing, doesn't it?

Please, if you are a friend or family member of mine don't become paranoid that you or your character will be included in a fictional account, embellished beyond recognition.

Rather than list names, I've just highlighted the marital unions and their specific "merits." I'm not keeping names out to protect the identity of my ex-husbands – they are fully aware of their own identities – but rather to keep my name from being openly associated with them in the present tense. They are not listed in any particular order, either.


The Good: Compassionate/Kind-Hearted/Sense of Humor

The Bad: Misguided/Alcoholic/Dysfunctional Family

Physical: Six-foot-one, black hair, blue eyes

Political: Democrat

Religion: Catholic

Birth Year: 1952


The Good: Money-Minded/Decent/Honest/Responsible

The Bad: Moody/Unable to Express Deep Emotions

Physical: Six-foot-one, dark brown hair, brown eyes

Political: Republican (is it a wonder it didn't last?)

Religion: Non-practicing Mormon

Birth Year: 1954


The Good: Compassionate/Caring/Mechanically Adept

The Bad: Emotionally Needy/Suppressed Rage/Inconsistent

Physical: Six-foot-one, black hair, brown eyes

Political: Democrat

Religion: What day of the week is it?

Birth Year: 1956

As anyone can deduce, I'm not keen for younger men. This is mainly because I have no use for substitute mothering nor do I have the patience to put up with childish rages, communication misinterpretation or with guiding anyone mentally, physically or spiritually.

I'm no picnic, either. Trust me. There is something in my personality make-up that drives the men in my life to heights of rage they claimed to have never experienced before, even if they were laid-back and basically easy-going prior to knowing me. I haven't quite figured out this phenomenon yet, but I'm working on it.

Needless to say, there will not be a hubby #4. All I can claim in my defense is I gave "wedded bliss" a try – over and over and over again.

It's a wonder I never married an Irishman, but I know two mick's in the same house would have been a complete disaster.

Tags: Husbands